Books I am Reading

I have been known to read multiple books at a time, but this year things got out of hand.  Way out of control.  I have decided to compile a list of books I am currently reading.

1.  Wind, Sand & Stars, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
2. The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
3. The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway*
4. A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway*
5. The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien*
6. Under the Banner of Heaven, Jon Krakauer
7. The Nigger of the 'Narcissus': A Tale of the Sea, Joseph Conrad
8. Afterwards, You're a Genius, Chip Brown
9. Fire in the Mind: Science, Faith, and the Search for Order, George Johnson
10. The God Theory: Universes, Zero-Point Fields and What's Behind It All, Bernard Haisch
11. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, Barbara Kingsolver
12. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
13. One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez*

* Reading for the second (or third) time

And I hereby declare that I will finish all of these books before starting a new one.

I have never limited myself like this but I think I need to teach myself a lesson about following through.  I am actually looking forward to eventually only reading a book (or two) at a time.

Then I shall go to Oxford and never return! 

Yogaville

After a three month long hiatus --

In May of 2011, my dear friend Ally came to stay with me before she got married.  She had just returned from a month-long yoga teacher training program in Yogaville.  Little did I know that my life would change forever right there in my living room as she taught my first Integral Yoga class.  Now I am a few days away from graduating with my certification to teach Integral Hatha Yoga, taking the same path that Ally did.

Me in Yogaville in front of LOTUS

Integral Yoga "is a scientific system which integrates the various branches of Yoga in order to bring about a complete and harmonious development of the individual", as quoted by its founder Sri Swami Satchidananda.    I am learning the yogic way of life, which includes a vegan diet, the asanas (poses), meditation, service, kirtan (chanting/prayer) and general guidelines for being a good person.  

Since I am doing 220 hours of yoga training in one month, the schedule here is quite rigorous.  My days begin at 5:30 am and end at 9:00 pm.  In that time, I am meditating, doing yoga, learning about how to teach yoga, learning about anatomy, health science and how to be yogis.  I am with a group of 11 other individuals of all ages and nationalities.  We have become a family and the ashram has become our home.  

Truth is One, Paths are Many

I find it difficult to describe the transformation that has taken place in everyone in my group, so I won't try.  However, I will say that yoga is so much more than I ever knew it could be.  

I will write more, probably after graduation!

You are the Universe

Blaise Pascal

The eternal silence of these infinite spaces frightens me.  
-Blaise Pascal

Monster Battle

I love living in Santa Fe, and have become especially fond of the art group Meow Wolf.  Meow Wolf makes art an interactive experience.

On Sunday, July 22nd, Meow Wolf hosted their fifth annual Monster Battle. Anyone in Santa Fe was invited to dress up as a monster, ninja, alien, zombie etc. and battle on the Santa Fe Plaza.  Even though the weapons were not harmful (mostly pool noodles and water guns), the Santa Fe Police Department didn't allow the battle to take place, due to the lack of the proper permit.

I thought it was cool that the police didn't prohibit the event altogether, which I think would have happened in my home town.  Instead, the battle was moved to the Santa Fe River.

I didn't dress up - I thought my costume wouldn't be good enough.  I definitely wish I had, though, because I would have loved to be part of the battle! However, I did bring my camera, so I got some cool pictures. 

Most of the participants were in their 20's, but ages ranged from about 6-years-old to ??  Those kids were sneaky, too!

The best part about the battle was the huge variety of costumes... Like this housewife vs. the kid from Lord of the Flies (I don't know if that was his costume, but it was definitely his character.)

I had almost as much fun as the participants, just watching the battle unfold.

I think art groups like Meow Wolf make Santa Fe awesome and contribute to its reputation as "The City Different."  It's definitely the right place for me at this stage in my life.

Frank Horne: To You

To You

All my life
they told me
that You
would save my soul
that only
by kneeling in Your house
and eating of Your body
and drinking of Your blood
could I be born again...
And yet
one night
in the tall black shadow
of a windy pine
I offered up
the sacrifice of Body
upon the altar
of her breast...
You
who were conceived
without ecstasy
or pain
can You understand
that I knelt last night
in Your house
and ate of Your body
and drank of Your blood
...and only thought of her?

-Frank Horne
from "Letters Found Near a Suicide"

Saint Francis of Assisi

Materialism

"The best things in life aren't things."-Art Buchwald

As a kid, I wanted to grow up so quickly.  I saw adulthood as a path to freedom; freedom to go where I want, eat what I want, and be who I wanted to be.  Technically, I can do these things, and try to as often as possible.  But, as an independent adult, I am attached to so many things.

Dream away,
 little Paige...

For example, on any given Saturday morning, I wake up and feel like I have to clean my whole (tiny) apartment (which really only takes about an hour), do laundry, clean dishes, go grocery shopping and suddenly it's almost noon! Then, I tend to to go on a hike, but really I should be cleaning my car (and fix the damn crack that has been in my windshield since February...of 2011!).

If I didn't have so many things, I probably wouldn't need a whole apartment.  If I had no car, I wouldn't need to repair it.  If my clothing collection didn't take up a closet and a whole dresser set, I wouldn't need to wash my clothes in such huge bulks of laundry (and forget about folding them, I do enough folding at work already.)  I think about how my impact on the Earth would be so much smaller without these things.

I don't even like coats!

But, what I have is all part of a certain lifestyle that I have chosen to live. To give all of this up means to change my life in a drastic way.  Being in this little hippie town of Santa Fe has opened my eyes to other possibilities and paths.. I see young travelers who live out of backpacks or vehicles.  I don't know if I am quite ready for that, but I am certainly feeling a draw.

Recently, I gave up my internet service and subscription to internet radio.  Now, I have to write my blog & do website work in the library, bookstores, coffee shops and friends' houses (thanks guys!)  I think I would eventually like to give up my apartment, furniture, most of my dishes and clothes, definitely my kitchen appliances, decorations and probably the awesome yellow couch my parents lament sending across country (I'll give it back!)

My living room! I'll be giving up most of those books...

I want to trade in my car for a truck, possibly live in the woods for a while and save money, then buy something I can live and travel in.  I dream of an Airstream.

What I will keep are old pictures that I don't have digital copies of, essential kitchen ware, Oliver the cat (and my fish, Link2 and Zelda if they are still alive!), towels, some clothes and shoes, art supplies, my guitar, journals, yoga mat, photography equipment, camping gear and definitely all of my costumes.

I couldn't survive without these glasses!

Aspen Trees

I am obsessed with Aspen trees, so much that I have two young Aspen leaves tattooed on my foot.

Aspen colonies usually derive from one single seed, making them a single living organism. This is an underground family root system.  For this reason, Aspen trees are usually the first to pop up after a forest fire, because the roots are so far underground that they don't get damaged.

I love the idea of the family root system.  To me, it is a reminder that everything in the universe is connected at the most fundamental level.

My feet!

I am not the only person who has obsessed over these beautiful trees...

In Celtic lore, Aspen trees serve as a transformative tool, from the material to the spiritual world. They saw nature as a gateway to the mystic/spiritual.

In French religious culture, it is said that the Aspen tree was used to make Christ's cross, which is why they continue to quiver today.  Others believe the quivering is the natural "om" vibration of the universe.  Really, the flat shape of the leaves make them sensitive to the slightest breeze.

Aspens in Santa Fe

 In many cultures, Aspens are thought to drive off evil spirits. A general shared meaning of the Aspen is that is represents the ability to overcome fears, doubts and other obstacles. 


The Santa Fe Ski Basin has a beautiful Aspen grove.  Right now, the leaves are green, but in the fall they become golden yellow before falling to the ground. Many locals and visitors head to Aspen Vista trail to see the grove. I plan on remaining a frequent visitor to the Santa Fe Aspen grove.

Aspen leaves in the fall

Guru Brahma

This is a song that one of my yoga classes begins with.  Our teacher plays an accordion and we all sing. 

Guru Brahma, the Creator
(source)

Guru Brahma

Guru Vishnu

Guru devo Maheshwara

Guru Saakshaat 

Para Brahma

Tasmai Sri Gurave Namah.

Guru Vishnu, the Preserver
(source)

The teacher is creator Brahma; 

he is preserver Vishnu; 

he is also the destroyer Shiva 

and he is the source of the Absolute. 

I offer all my efforts to that great teacher.

Guru Shiva, the Destroyer
(source)

Chapter 22 of The Life of Pi

Chapter 22 of The Life of Pi

"I can imagine an atheist's last words: "White, white! L-L-Love! My God!" - and the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, if he stays beholden to the dry, yeastless factuality, might try to explain the warm light bathing him by saying, "possibly a f-f-failing oxygenation of the b-b-brain," and, to the very end, lack imagination and miss the better story. "
-Yann Martel 

John Pineda: Blackbird

Blackbird

Luke, at two years old, takes his mother's open hand
and tells us that she's holding a blackbird, her palm
curved, it seems, under the weight. It makes us smile.

Later, after you've fallen asleep, I find your hand
under covers, run my fingers inside the warm
cusp and touch, for the first time, its wings.

-John Pineda

Wrapped Up

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle."

-Benjamin Franklin

Loving My Body

Honor yourself as a unique expression of the universe. 

This isn't a direct quote, but it is my interpretation of an idea found in the book Yoga From the Inside Out: Making Peace With Your Body Through Yoga. The book was given to me by my dear friend, Ally.  I have struggled with different kinds of eating disorders for over a decade, something I have in common with the author of the book. 

I started reading the book at Ojo Caliente, a mineral springs resort.  I thought it was a wonderful place to begin my journey toward self-love and acceptance of my body.  At Ojo Caliente, hundreds of visitors pass through, and almost everybody is wearing just a bathing suit. 

Normally, in that situation, I would compare my body to every other female's body.  To me, that is normal.  However, Yoga from the Inside Out celebrates individuality and urges us not to become too attached to our bodies.

My healthy body takes me to beautiful places. 

To accept my body, fully, is difficult.  In addition to issues with my weight, I have always wanted to be shorter, taller, have better hair, better eyesight, better skin...etc.  But wanting these things doesn't mean I will have them.  All it means is I will spend time that I could be happy wanting something that is impossible. 

"Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside." Hugh Macleod

There is no such thing as perfection.  Perfection is always relative. The perception of beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder.  Real beauty radiates from the inside. Negativity, toward others or the self, displaces the potential for more love and beauty in any moment. 

After reading Yoga from the Inside Out, I want to have a healthy and realistic view of my body.  It's still a very conscious effort for me, but I have noticed in the past month, I have been more relaxed about the way I look.  It hasn't changed the way I look on the outside, but has increased my sense of peace on the inside.

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.-Teilhard de Chardin

The Greatest Adventure

“The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said.
The chances, the changes are all yours to make.
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.” 
 
-J.R.R. Tolkein

Guillevic

In 2007 (according to my journal), I discovered the French poet Eugène Guillevic. He isn't very well-known in the States, so it's tough to find translated works.  I wish I had known this at the time, for I was reading a randomly selected encyclopedia of poetry, passing time between classes.  Luckily, I wrote a couple of his poems in my journal.

Heartbeat 

Not a wing, not a bird, no wind, but night,
only the pulsing of soundlessness
Gulls:
   Life for them is hunger,
   vast spaces of hunger
   and time to cry out space
   through their hunger,
   to drift with the sea,
   to curse the sea
   that will set bounds
   to space and hunger. 

 Florida gull.

Scalene Triangle
Good for dancing,
Twirling
On my base, on my tip,
On my sides, my other angles
It’s that I’m always
Agitated, pulled,
By the angles, by the sides
Put together by chance
Without equality.

Isosceles Triangle
I’ve succeeded in putting
Myself in a little order,
I tend to please myself. 

Equilateral Triangle
I’ve gone too far
In my concern for order
Nothing can come any more

Trikonasana (Triangle Pose)
(Source)

And, straight from my journal...

I was also a professional artist in college.

Faust Arp

Radiohead - Faust Arp 

(The song begins at 0:49 and there's a little cursing in the introduction...)

Photography You Should See : Part 1

Donna Ferrato - Lisa -Moments After Her Husband Beat Her (Source)
1982

Horst P Horst - Mainbocher's Pink Satin Corset (Source)
Paris, 1939

Édouard Boubat - Lella, Brittany (Source)
France, 1948

Erwin Blumenfeld - Lisa Fonssagrives  (Source) 
Paris, 1939

Bill Brandt - East End Girl, Dancing the Lambeth Walk (Source)
London, 1939

Marilyn Silverstone - Jacqueline Kennedy (Source)
India, 1962

Carlo Bevilacqua - Catari (Source)
1960

Check out Photography You Should See: Part 2

Fear of Failure

"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it."

 -William Durant

I am horrible at following through when I feel any sense of failure.  This is how I have felt about any blogs I have started in the past - I notice typos, see that nobody has commented, stop posting, and hope to never, ever stumble upon one of my blog posts in the future.  


I am done with my fear of failure. 


Okay, not really.  But, I am going to attempt to accept my fear and just do it anyway.  I will look at fear as I try to view all emotions.  It is okay to feel an emotion, but don't become attached to it. Let it pass through you. 

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt."  

-William Shakespeare

I have a few fears aside from failure, and one of them is heights.  (Other fears include losing my parents, accidentally eating meat, farting in yoga class, and being slowly amputated to death.)

Last weekend, I was standing at the top of a fairly short cliff, watching dozens of people jumping off with seemingly no hesitation.  I knew the water was deep and the jump was not dangerously high.  In fact, I had just jumped off of that cliff six days earlier.  I looked down at the water and laughed at how ridiculous my fear was, but that didn't make it go away.  I finally did jump (as pictured), but I had to hold my friend's hand.  

Another fear is having my picture taken in a bikini.

And I am okay with that.  If it takes some persuasion and hand holding to have an awesome experience, I would rather do that than never try at all. After the first jump, I did it again (just once - I'm not ). I needed another hand-holding, but I felt confident.  I tried something outside of my comfort zone, and I overcame a fear, if just for a couple seconds. 

If I can face a potentially life-threatening fall, why should I be afraid of failure? In most cases, the worst possible outcome is my life remains as it was. So, why not take a leap? Usually, just in the trying, we learn something that forever enriches our lives. 

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

-Robert Kennedy

Question: What do you fear, and how do you overcome it?